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| I just realized how depressing these posts are .. I guess I used xanga as an outlet whenever I was down, so it seems like I'm such a depressed person. But I was. I shouldn't have been and I shouldn't have let one person bring me down like that. It was a given that soon enough, I was goin to realize who were true and who deserves me and I finally know now. I've cried painful tears this year, and my heart broke into pieces a million times, and it's not even a figure of speech.. because it hurts.
But now life is so much better and I met so many new people who showed me the brighter side of things and that it's safe to fall again. My guards are up, I promised myself that.. I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to pour my heart out and end up with all the pieces shattered.
Thanks to all the people who were there for me, even if it was just a word of comfort, a smile, or a hug. YOu had no idea how much it brightened up my day. Thanks loves.
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| You grow up thinking that certain things last forever, and people stay in your life until you grow up and die.. we let words fool us into thinking that nothing will ever change since he did say forever right? But what happens when it all ends? People can spend their whole lives together, thinking that they're inseparable, until one day with no explanation, everything changes and the person you once told everything to, the person you once went to whenever you were at your worst, is now a stranger. You don't know why, and you're afraid to ask why. You're afraid of hearing an answer that you thought you would never hear. You're afraid of finding out that the person who was once in love you and the person who once promised you a lifetime, is no longer that same person. But everyone deserves a person who will love them to the fullest..so why not just let go if you're so afraid of the uncertain, instead of dwelling on the possibilities ? | | |
| This time, you're the only person I can go to..
I hate myself for lingering onto the past, because the past is the reason I'm so torn now. I've been trying to tell myself to stop thinking, and stop worrying about the past but it's so hard when it took up such a big part of me and when it feels like that part has been taken away from you, nothing hurts more. Although everything is fine now, it still doesn't take away the pain I had and still have to endure. I feel like I've been trying so hard to forget about it that I didn't even have much time to 'grieve', to cry.. but the hardest thing is i have no one to go to. Not saying that I have no friends to go to, no family to go to, but nobody knows about this pain I'm having to go through. No one knows the reason why I'm so emotionally drained and I have no intention of telling anyone. The one person who knows about it, I can't even rant to them.. I've been having random tantrums lately, and I think this is the reason why : I tried so hard to forget about it and like remove it from my past, but the past is the past, and what's happened has happened and there's nothing I can really do about it. It's like having a friend or family member die.. you try so hard to be strong, but you forget to do what humans do when under turmoil: cry and break down. When someone's been so hurt and torn inside, you have to release all that emotion or else you'll end like me right now. I've been holding back so much anger, pain, and tears inside of me that I completely neglected the advice that I always give to friends when they're sad: cry, cry, cry and let it all go.
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| going to stop surrounding myself with doubts.
i'm going to learn to trust again.
if this is what makes me happy, then why not?
if i don't do it, i might regret it later on, or i'd probably ask myself everyday, 'what if..'
I know how to pick my battles...most of the time.
and i know this is one battle worth fighting in.
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| Have you guys found it hard to trust even the person you care most about; the person that you should be trusting with your life? But I know most of time, it's me over thinking and blowing the situation way out of proportion. We as humans struggle with our emotions a lot because a lot of the times, we choose to listen to our heart, despite the fact that your mind is telling you otherwise. We let our emotions get the best of us, and we become completely ignorant. We neglect the logic and common sense that we need to make the right decision because we just base everything on our emotions and how we are feeling about it.
What are the red flags though? The red flags that there is something going on but you just don't know it?
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